A Bleeding Heart....

Sometimes my heart bleeds...
It just simply bleeds in desperation
Bleeds for it seems so near to despair.
For sometimes....just a speck of time along the way...few and.far in between times....it bleeds.
I feel burdened by faith and shackled by the Love of God.

Do I want to be free from His love?
Definitely NOT......
But every once in a while, I wish it wasn't so HARD...
I wish it wasn't so hard during the lonely times... During the lonely nights that turn into days and days that turn into weeks....
I wish it wasn't so hard during the times I want to up and delve into Sin... and the pillows on my bed no longer provide the comfort that I desire...
I wish it wasn't so hard when compromise seems easiest... when all I had to do was throw caution to the wind and satisfy my cravings.....
I wish it wasn't so hard when brethren are so far away, non-Christians seem like best friends.....

I will TRY to encourage myself in the Lord
I will TRY to tell myself to hold on and be strong...
But even after doing all that, it's not enough....

So I give in to temptation... and I get lost in the satisfaction I find in sin....
And it does appear to be fun... at least while it lasted...
Until I open my eyes, take a deep breath and guilt rushes into my heart...
Oh no! What have I done...? Why did I go there..? Why did I do that...?

My bleeds, it bleeds so hard I can feel the blood pumping in my chest....
My heart is racing... how did I end up here...?
Oh no! Father I've sinned!
Doing exactly what I promised never to do....
So what do I do...?
Where do I go...?

I will TRY to run back to God, and weep in His arms...
Punching and kicking....screaming its ALL His fault...
His fault for letting me fall into temptation...
For leaving me lonely....
For letting it happen....

I will TRY till I am weary of me....and ALL that lefts is His warm embrace....
And a bleeding heart.....

(PS: This was written by myself and one of my favorite readers who has requested to remain anonymous. It's an expression of our own personal struggles....)

5 comments

  1. Lord help us! It's only by His grace..
    Very honest piece. Thanks for sharing xx

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  2. Yeap its really hard but God will see us all through..!!Stay Blessed

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  3. Its tough!! the flesh must be conquered

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  4. This was real. I in this place right now and I cry. I hurt and I'm in pain because I fell like I'm hurting God (Note: I've not sinned physically... yet. I feel like I HAVE to because I was irresponsible. I've sinned in my heart and I still have the physical/real world aspect to deal with).
    What's worse is that I have been having a difficult time praying because of guilt and WHAT's WORSE THAN THAT is that now my mom might be REALLY, REALLY SICK!!! She might have cancer and I can't even pray.I'm so sad and I have been crying for days. I feel like I'm using God because things are so bad with my mother so I'm begging God that they find nothing from the biopsy but I don't have much fellowship God anymore because of this sin issue.It's been so hard.

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