Confessions of a 23year Old Lady

Dear Prodigal Daughter:
My name is XOXO X. XOXO, you can call me XOXO for short. I'm 23 years old.

I was born into a Christian home and according to my mum, I was conceived because three of my direct elder siblings died, and my parents couldn't give me a shot because they felt I was going to die, so I never saw my baby picture except for when I was like four or five years old. Raised up by Godly parents although I wanted more of the love but I don't blame anyone for what happened, while growing up I noticed people didn't really like me I can't really tell or maybe I just felt that way, I was in the children's choir in the local church which I attended then, I had and still have this great voice so my regional leader in church then just took interest in me. I was so hardworking that at the age of ten, mum asked me to stay with a pregnant church folk and help her with domestic chores, I agreed. Although my stay there was okay, I noticed some funny things about the man. On the day of the wife's delivery, he Raped Me.


I told my parents about it but they never believed me, mum had to inspect my private part she found the evidence but could not believe that a Pastor she sent her daughter to stay with raped her so she finally concluded that I was joking, I never stepped a foot into the man's house again. Fast forward to three years later, I now started having the urge to experience the really thing but was so scared of becoming pregnant, so I just shelved it aside, mum got so ill when I was thirteen and died when I was fourteen. like I said I don't blame anyone for what happened to me. On my eighteenth birthday I told myself I was going to experience it now since I was an adult, so I had my first experience and it didn't take long I was pregnant, so I told my boyfriend who was in his finals in school he asked for what I wanted. I didn't want to drop out of school so we opted for an abortion, after the abortion experience I
just told myself if not for God I wouldn't have being able to go through such trauma. So I gave my life to Jesus and decided to end the relationship quickly before I end my precious life.

Fast forward to two years later met another guy who promised to marry me with the condition to have sex with me, I just needed someone in those periods someone to love me someone who understands me, mind you am not trying to give excuses for my past, I have heard severally that from friends and people the kind of person I really was, so I needed someone who could understand my pains and understand how I really feel, one day we were romancing and he had sex with me with a protection on, I couldn't forgive myself because I caused the whole thing, the next time he wanted to feel me real, I just told him what happened before was a mistake that was never going to happen again, so our relationship ended.

Year 2011 was a wonderful year for me inspite of what happened that year, I nearly died from an illness and immediately after that I met someone who was in pains from a previous relationship or so he said and I just wanted to help him, we got dating after like three months we met, we agreed on no sex till our marriage, I didn't know he had other plans or maybe I just wanted to enjoy myself even as a born-again christian, I had sex with this guy and when I thought I had found the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I found out he was a flirt and had a girlfriend I immediately ended the relationship the following year, to just love God and have him as my Best friend, Another bombshell, I was pregnant for this guy already what do I do?

I had told this guy it was already over between us and this, questions started arising; how do I go about this pregnancy? will I raise this child alone? should I abort this baby? cos I was doing my National Youth Service Corps then, I told this guy, guess his response, what do you want to do, like I impregnated myself, I told a  doctor friend who had being advising me to stop having sex with this guy so I don't hurt myself, he gave me the name of a drug, I bought and used it this time around I did it myself, I aborted another pregnancy.

My ex, called me after like seven months after the deed had being done to apologize for not caring for me that he had so many things on his mind, this time around he was ready for marriage and means it. I rejected the offer, when I finished my NYSC I prayed about the path I wanted to follow and for God's will and purpose for my life to manifest, God truly came for me am a creative person and I fell in love with creating things.

Fast forward to 2013, God has being so awesome to me in every aspect of my life, He provides even before I ask. My life is getting Better and Better by the day, II Corinthians 5:17 has changed my life amazingly, am still scared to enter a relationship I don't want to meet the wrong guy, cos some "christian" brothers in church still want sex before marriage, so its either I don't like a christian brother cos he's so religious or he does not have what I want in a relationship. Am still trusting God that He will send someone who loves Him very much, not religiously but with a sincere heart, someone who will appreciate me for who I am, who will love me, someone who will lead me to a more personal relationship with God etc.

Thanks for reliving me of this burden.

XOXO

(This was the message I got in my inbox this morning in response to my "Dear Prodigaldaughter" segment . I have hidden this lady's name to protect her pride and anonymity. What words/comments do you have to say to this young woman? Leave them below.)

7 comments

  1. Hmmm.. Thank God for her life and the beauty for ashes that Jesus gives.. May she meet the best man for her by God's grace xx

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  2. You may have the desire to be married, but also be ready for God's answer. If he calls you to a life of singleness; are you ready? Just live your life like God is your Husband and know that he will continue to bless you. Know that He never breaks His promises. And know that what is for you is for you, and you will meet your husband in-time and on-time. However, you have the right to subject yourself to any man you choose, just choose the right one, such as a God fearing one, and one that you can follow. Continue to trust, have faith in who God is, and know that He is providing. Keep a look out on your blessings.

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  3. Gripping story, for a minute there, I thought this was your story. I am very much impressed by how much she has learned. This doesn't mean that it is the end of mistakes, but her spirit is the most important, the 'never say die' attitude is key. Cheers!

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  4. Reminds me of the Francine Rivers book I read about the girl forced into prostitution. Things are not the way they always seem.
    From the other side of the fence, it would be easy for someone raised in a 'protected' environment to judge her and wonder why she was so 'wayward'. I think back to when I was 10 and I can't imagine going through this. Yet, she is still standing... Edging forward, surely....
    God will reward her with a man that exceeds her best imaginations, like Kurt Carr sang, that's just the way the Father is...

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  5. Huuummm strong lady, I admire her confidence, the amont of times she has fallen yet she is still standing and not given up. My advice for her to know and love her Maker, He only can make her life beautiful again and will wipe off all pains and hurts. Pls dont feel guilty as your story will be passed o. to help others who may or are in this kind of situations. Jesus loved you still. Keep yourself for Him.
    Precious hands.

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  6. WOW! You have been through a lot ,some of the things i can relate to , but i didn't feel comfortable talking about them , however i'm scared of marriage , most people are more focused on the wedding not the marriage it self . Beautiful piece. Please Check out my blog http://firstlaydeee.blogspot.ie/

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