To Introduce Or Not To Introduce Lee Boo?

public_display_of_affection_by_tankana-d2xtsfaDear Prodigal Children, :D

I know it's been forever since I wrote something but you cannot even begin to imagine how my life has been these past few weeks. It's just been filled with all kinds of drama. Drama to the left, right and center... anyway that's talk for another day.

So last weekend, I was having a conversation with one of my male "friends" ;) and he kept insisting that he has no obligation to introduce his girlfriend to his friends as his girlfriend. Get? Ok, imagine this scenario: You are with your boyfriend and one of his female friends walks over to you guys and your boyfriend introduces you by your name, period. Nothing like "meet Funmi, my girlfriend..." is that a problem?

My "friend" feels that his private life should be his private life and he has no obligation to public_display_of_affection_by_inudono19-d5nesacintroduce his girlfriend as his girlfriend. He says what is most important is the level of respect he shows her and his love for her. But until he gets married to that woman, she's always going to remain just his "girlfriend" by words only.... As you might imagine, I absolutely disagreed with every word he said. But then he suggested that I put the question to you guys.

Is there a requirement for you to introduce your boo to your friends as le boo? Or simply le friend? Lets even take it further, with the advent of bbm, a lot of relationships have hit the rocks because the guy simply chose not to use the girl's picture as his display picture (dp). Here is my reaction to that: why would you use every other girl's picture but not your girlfriend's?

Gentlemen, why is it so difficult to simply make it known to others that you are in a relationship with a particular someone? Are you trying to eat your cake and have it? Are you embarrassed of being seen with her? Ladies, why is it such a big deal to us when our men don't "show us off" to their friends? Is that a deal breaker? Does that mean he's cheating on us?

Share your thoughts with me below, I'm in dire need of some relationship lessons. :)

SIGNATURE

18 comments

  1. To certain Extent i Agree !! You see in this day and age how many women or couples do u know who have gotten engaged and then broken up? Leaving the lady with the boyfriends tag and whispers and some quiet sorry stares from people and potential mates... you see as @Mister_Mobility in his post which i Quoted on my blog post titled 'dating only one person is wrong'... I think people should open up their minds to the reality that not every relationship will end in marriage and the less people know about ur history the better ur chances at starting fresh without everyone knowing 'everyone u have dated and why it didnt work out'. I mean u do not want the uncomfortable feeling around people knowing they are assessing ur every move and ur every quarrel.


    Also you really want to tell me you are only having coffee with that one person? My friend unless that man has taken u to the jewelers (official engagement ) and u are planning a wedding ? Avoid building castles in the sand,

    Also dating someone and having the people know you are dating him means ur social and career profile gets attached to his. what happens when he gets a contract or job due to being connected to you and messes up? is this what you will have to do everytime u are dating someone else?



    2ndly having gotten to a certain social pedestal , ur enemies become invisible and there are few and far between permanent friendships - meaning u cannot go around letting everyone know who u are dating even on social media and letting them know how good u guys have it because u do not know when u will fall out with a persona nd have them make it their personal project to sling mad about u to him or viceversa. keeping it on the downlow has never been more important to me not just in terms of relationships but also in terms of career advancement.It sounds wierd but trust me ..... if there is anything i have learnt this year and wish i learnt earier ? its the ability to keep relationships to myself ,1 prayer partner and a few close friends .... :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh , and I once had a man who told everyone we were dating just because he was insecure . When we broke up he held on to my name for a long time .... and i mean ...stalking me ....slinging some petty history and all that..... i wish i had kept it quiet..... :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree with yasmine to a certain degree... My case is a bit different. I'm 24 and have never brought home a boyfriend. It's not that I've never had one, but I've never been public about my relationships apart from about 5 close friends. I had the same mentality yasmine did... and still sorta do. What happens if things don't go well? I'll give family & mates the chance to yarn dust for my head. E no good. I'm okay! Recently, I took too many vacays and did quite a bit of traveling to see family. Suddenly my relationship status just took prime stage! o_O after asking how's school the next was "any guy yet?" with a level of concern and worry expressed on my aunts' and cousins' faces. Like play like play I just thought they'd get over it. I kept giving the whole "taking my time" excuse and chopped my "you're not getting any younger" lectures. but when my playerific uncles' and cousins started their own questionings and started trying to hook me up -__- i talk say wahala de! LOL I think before I was a lil extreme. I kept everything so hush hush too well. The guys met my friends so they were okay... but Now I try and give family a bit more detail. So they can relax and not suspect there's something mentally and biologically wrong with me! Then again, whether they know the truth or not, people will always....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Welp, I actually think it's important. I want to be shown off with joy at every in person opportune moment. A simple, hey this is Ola, my sweetheart/girlfriend, is respectful. They don't need a story of how we met and where we had our last five dates. A simple introduction is expected. Me on the other hand, LOL it depends... Unfair, I know. If he's been an awesome boyfriend and I'm completely comfortable with the relationship - meaning our convos are so intellectually stimulating I gotta tell someone else and i've learned so much from just being his friend I gotta share what I learned - then YES I'm going to introduce him as my boyfriend. It's just my nature to talk about something I have a lot of interest in; be it a book, a tv show, a website... I'ma talk! Not that I'm a okra mouth ohhh! It has limits, but my point is if the relationship is progressing well, my parents, trusted friends, and mentor will have heard of him before meeting him. too much...? ehn well these are the people that assist Baba God in repairing my heart in the event that it gets broken.

    as for bbm, yes you must use me as your dp. No debates about it. Everyone must know you get fine gehl for corner of your heart. Even if you are playing me! Let the other girls know they have competition. A good player doesn't allow his victims to know they're being played! So there's really no excuse not to make this move... buhh again ohh! LOL before I use you for my own dp, I must feel really comfortable. The queries from my over protective alpha-male relatives are just too much to be answering over just any old guy! As a man, I expect you to stand for me... and if you're of good quality, you'll question why I'm reluctant to stand for you! If we're a good fit, maybe I'll be challenged and I will.

    ReplyDelete
  5. There are many reasons for and against,, what I would call the "Introduction". However, as someone who has gone the whole hog 3 times and is back at square one, I'd say wait until you are 100% sure.
    I totally agree with yasmine and I think for all the reasons mentioned up there (no need to rehash), we ladies should go easy on the ''Introductions". Especially as society is notoriously unfair to women, so if you have more than one serious "Mr Right", people are going to start asking you when you want to stop playing and settle down.....as if it's you that decided to play.

    On the bb dp aspect, I think that is totally unnecessary, if you feel like it, you may or may not put up a picture, but I certainly dont require my boo to put up my picture, unless he feels like it.....
    I'm going to be honest and say, it does feel nice (insert: romantic, cuddly, sexy, fun, great, heart-warming....etc), when he does, but i dont demand it and he shouldn't expect it either.

    A dp shouldn't define your relationship......what you feel will always be more important than what you want the whole world to see.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Interesting comments. I think the issue of introduction boils down to a very important question that should be raised before you even give someone the label "le Boo": are you dating intentionally or are you dating for dating sake? If you are dating intentionally then it can be assumed that both parties have agreed to proceed in a relationship with the final destination being marriage. In such a case I believe introductions are a MUST. However if the relationship is merely just for building a friendship then I believe both parties should be open to meeting each other's families/friends casually without feelings of pressure for the relationship to go further.

    Let's face it, in EVERY sort of Christian relationship , accountability (from our parents, pastors, friends, leaders, family holding us accountable) is very important. this is to ensure that individuals do not give into the desires of the flesh, so others can keep us in check when we are blinded by emotions and feelings, and so we are constantly reminded of the importance of treating each other with respect and brotherly love.

    As a 25 year old who is patiently waiting for an "intentional boo" and who has the best friendships with some of the worlds most amazing guys,I can happily and firmly conclude that perhaps its best to put the title of "le boo" aside and replace it with "mon ami" (my friend) until you are very sure the relationship is headed to the anticipated final destination (marriage), assuming this is the destination we all want to get too. This really helps to take the pressure of the both of you in terms of whether to introduce him/her to the parents or family and instead promotes building a more relaxed friendship.

    Remember in all things, seek Him first, seek WISE, GODLY council, and wait on Him. When the right person comes along, it will flow, and the issue of "to introduce or not to introduce" will not really be an issue, because "le boo" will do the right thing and will gladly meet your family and friends.

    Peace n' Love

    ReplyDelete
  7. hmmmph!!! Very Well Said Ann!! *fists pumps*

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hmmm
    Now that I think about it, I haven't really been introduced like "Hi, this is my girlfriend E" but it has never been a problem. When two people are dating, it's not that difficult to see, is it? The one that I think would be somehow is if he introduce you to his friends as "a friend".

    Showing off on bbm is not my thing either. I rarely put up DPs- usually of abstract stuff or hairspiration- sha not pictures of me. So if I put anyone up, the person is obviously important to me. I'd get a lot of unwanted questions and comments which are not often welcome.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "When the right person comes along, it will flow & the issue of 'to introduce or not to introduce' will not really be an issue..."....true words Ann.
    Nice discus Zee

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wow Ejay! I cannot even begin to respond to your comment. Too much life and truth in it. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  11. hmmm food for thought. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. hehehhehe lmao ... I'm glad you got through it in one piece ..

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for you comment! You just repeated everything my mum said. I asked the same question and she said the same things! lol... Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  14. personally u know what works for me.... a hand hold as we walk or that special warmth he has around me when we are around not so familiar people? thats good enough possession and respect. I prefer that ALOT to him introducing me to everyone cause what he is doing is allowing them to own our relationship and opening me up to them...which i would rather not. As u grow,,,ur social expectations change.... and what u want out of a relationship changes... i really enjoy privacy right now..... and alot of one on one..... before when i was younger it was different..i expected Dramatics and that didnt work for me

    ReplyDelete

Back to Top