The Battered Woman Syndrome ...

domestic_violenceThis is a very sensitive and vital subject, and I hope I can help someone in this situation. Why do women stay with men who beat them up? I am a man and I must
say I have never laid hand on a woman, for obvious reasons, where would I hit?

Not the face, all my lady friends are pretty I wouldn’t want to hurt her face, where else can I hit? Her chest, Tummy, Come one, a woman is not designed to be hit. Her entire body frame is configured for amusement; there isn’t a part that accommodates a punch.  So when you find a man beating up a woman,  you see a man who has lost it and a woman who has almost lost it all: the man has beaten her emotionally, he has taken every ounce of self-worth she has.

Emotionally she is gone, and what is a woman without emotions? A robot is better than she. So she says to herself I’m not good enough for any other man, no one would accept me anymore, he beats me up and still makes love to me, he must love me and like the scars he’s put on. No other man is going to take an emotionally battered and physically beaten woman.

imagesThe fear of the unknown creeps in, where would I go from this man? Worse if she has children by him, what would happen to my children? He can easily find me anywhere if I run, and then he would kill me. So she stays. I also think it has a lot to do with people being more comfortable at times with what’s familiar to them, as opposed to what/who is good for them.

Some women in abusive situations, either had fathers who were abusive, or mothers who stayed with abusive men .I think being treated well is so foreign to some women who are used to being abused ,that they feel uneasy when someone is kind to them, and they don’t know how handle it or react. When a woman has been abused for so long, her self-esteem sinks to such a low level, she barely has the will to breathe and survive, let alone start her life all over again on her own and alone.

They usually end up isolating themselves from friends and family too, until there is no support system left, which makes it even harder to walk away. So she stays, this woman needs help.  

What are the signs to look out for; how do you know a man will hit you?

It starts with abusive words, little regard for how you feel with the words he uses, Temper, tantrums, a push a shove, a slap then punches aren’t far away anymore. Ladies I don’t want you to wait till he slaps you, if a man would continue to hurt you emotionally and you stay on; you’re telling him you have no worth at all. Emotional abuse is far more painful than physical abuse, in the case of physical, the bruises will fade but the emotional scars will hunt you for life. So why wait till he hits you?

Don’t let him break your heart and your bones. RUN!!!



"Muyiwa Adetunji is not only a man of the Spirit, but also a Military Personnel. He is also deeply invested in God's ministry and he's kingdom minded. He is currently working on his much anticipated book which will be published soon."


  1. Nice one

  2. I like this post but even then my biggest issue is with the gospel or its interpretation of it. Ie women are told to stay with their husbands and 'pray for him to change'. lets be honest ,in some societies (as i was thinking today) a woman being married is a more celebrated mile stone than getting a degree . And in some societies though now its fading, women are taught to be mothers , daughters , wives ...wearing so many shoes and not getting to know the wearer; that is they are not allowed to have an identity.

    Personally my biggest problem with marriage in the generation before us, is its as though a woman is expected to loose her right to have an identity... this is where the problem starts. We teach women that to be a really accepted person in society , you need to be a 'MRS'. Has anyone watched the movies 'Mr and Mrs' -staring Nse Ikpe and 'Mrs Somebody'-by Uche Gumbo?

    Both explain how women go to lengths to be called and to retain the title Mrs until it dawns on them that that only works when u have a sense of self. So today i challenge us to speak about that- getting women to have a sense of identity and self worth that is not pegged on the validation of a man and loving those who have embraced that.

  3. I think the sense of guilt is a reason why many keep on in abusive relationships. They kinda feel like they deserve it. The truth is that, NOBODY deserves to suffer pain! No matter how bad life has been and what bad a person has done, there's always another chance.

    If there's anyone reading in such a situation, find a trusted leader, and confidant to inform them about your situation. Like Muyiwa said, RUN (stay away from the source of the abuse)

    I'll keep you in my prayers


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