That "Long Distance" Thing ......

imagesRelationships are difficult enough as they are. Now add "long distance" to a relationship and it seems almost impossible to make it work. Can a long distance relationship really work? This is a really deep question and if you are looking for answers, well, I hope I don't leave you more confused after reading this.

Personally, relationships scare the geez out of me. I mean, if I have any fear at all in this world, it has to do with relationships and marriages. You simply need God's grace and wisdom. My experience with long distance relationships has been two-folded. I've seen it work out greatly for some people and I've seen it leave some people broken. So, yes it can work..... if you want it to... But, how do you make a long-distance relationship work?

#1 - Do NOT Begin a relationship Without Seeing Eachother In Person -  This might sound silly but it is quite important. Don't start a relationship with someone without having spent time with him/her in person. You need to be around the person even if it's just for a day. You both need to have the conviction that "this is a relationship which we are willing to continue across the ocean or state or country". You need to know the worth of the relationship to be able to make sacrifice for it. Don't start a relationship based on pictures, facebook or skype.

#2 Define The Relationship - You BOTH need to define what kind of relationship you want. Do you both want something "serious" or a "let's just see how it goes" relationship? Your answer to this question will determine your next cause of action. If it's not a serious relationship then you might as well stop reading now. But if your relationship is (or is going to be) purpose driven and destination bound (usually marriage), then please keep reading. But make sure you both have an understanding of what you want from the relationship.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" 1 Corin. 13:7 images (1)


#3 - Communicate! - This is the most important factor. Now, notice I said "communicate" and "stalk him or her." Some ladies get all worked up simply because he has not called in 2 hours! Really? You both have lives, jobs, schools and what have you. You don't need to spend 5 hours talking on the phone every day. Frankly, it gets boring when you do that. Instead, be creative. Send a text, like her picture on facebook, call him for no reason at all. Just make sure you communicate one way or another everyday! Also, to be able to communicate you need to invest in some technology: phone, facebook, twitter, SKYPE, bbm, yahoo messenger, instagram, etc... See that skype is written in capital letters? You need to be able to see eachother once in a while. You need to maximize your use of technology without abusing it.

Man - Pay her as much attention as possible. Woman - Relax, he's not going any where .. :D


#4 - Trust - In long distance relationships, there is no room for assumptions, jealousy, suspicions or what ifs. Simply trust the person that you are with and make sure you do everything you can not to lose their trust in you. Don't do or say things that will have your man question your loyalty to him. If she says she's at home, you need to believe that she's at home. Don't second guess eachother. Love, trust and be patient.

#5- Flee Negativity - No matter how hard some people try, they never have something positive to say, flee such people. Don't let your so-called "friends" sow evil seeds in your relationship. Don't let them share with you their own "ideas" of what your man might be doing... this will cloud your preception and begin to germinate in your spirit. Those are evil seeds, don't give room for them.

#6 - Appreciate The Distance - Long distance relationships give you more time to yourself than you can imagine. Enjoy it. Spend time with your friends, get involved in church and serve, pursue your dreams and passions. Enjoy being yourself and make good memories that you can share with your man or woman when next you see eachother.

"For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ."                - Colo 2:5 images (2)


#7 - Always Do Something Together - The fact that you are not together does not mean that you cannot do something together. You can fast and pray together. You can both go see a movie and talk about it on phone. Read a book together. Also, another thing you can do is create a "ritual" between you both. By ritual, I mean a routine, something specific that you both do together everyday; something for your partner to look forward to. E.g Be the first person to call him/her every morning to pray for him/her; let her wake up to your text message every morning etc

#8 - Suprise Him or Her, Often - Send gifts to each other when it's unexpected. It's valentine's day and you are in the U.K while your girlfriend is in South Africa, send her a gift through FedEx or DHL, or send her friend to give her something on your behalf. Do I sound like a hopeless romantic? Maybe, but you need all the romance that you can get in these types of relationships. You need to keep the spark and fire burning.

When you are in a long distance relationship, it's easy to get attracted to someone else other than your spouse (because he/she is absent). Be careful of this. Most times, it's a test of your relationship. Fight the attraction! Don't give in!


#9 - Be Accountable - You need to have a mentor for your relationship, someone you are both accountable to and someone who can monitor the growth or decline of it. This will help a lot in difficult times when it seems as if things cannot work out (and those periods will come). At one point or another in the relationship, you'll both need counsel and who better to counsel you than someone who was there from the inception of the relationship?

#10 - Be Honest, Know When To Say Goodbye - My mentor usually says "if you struggle to get something outside the will of God, you will struggle to keep it.." This is important because you want to know and be convinced that the person you are in a relationship with is part of God's plan for you. Will this make it easier? Maybe not. But no matter how difficult it seems. you will know that God is in charge. But if at the end of the day things still don't work out, don't be afraid to let it go. Don't waste eachother's time; be honest about the status of your relationship and things will get better.

I hope this piece was helpful to most, if not all of you. Do you have story of a long distance relationship that worked or did not work that you'll like to share? Please email me at chattyzee@yahoo.co.uk and I'll share your story.

Love.

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8 comments

  1. Thanks for this article, it's so insightful. I need to apply these cause am in kinda one right now

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  2. i love this ! its really insightful too

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  4. Amen in Jesus name. I'll send you and email right away!

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  5. Thank you so much for this article......Am in a long distance relationship and will apply all of this trick to spice it up with the help of GOD ......

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  6. You are welcome, I'm glad you found it useful. Thank you.

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